💛 Hey friend,
I just got back from Lisbon where I delivered the third of several in-person leadership experiences for one of my favorite clients — a founder who runs a 20-person tech recruiting firm, where every person reports directly to him.
“Values-aligned” doesn't begin to describe this man.
He lives his values so loudly that people are not only drawn to him, but sink deeper into their shared values because of their interaction with him.
And I came home thinking about something I don't talk about enough: How I got here. And how close I’ve come, at times, to not honoring my own values.
We're gonna talk about it...
If you want to come hang IRL,
Apr 16:
Apr 18:
May 3:
💛
A Tale of Two Contracts
Not that long ago, I negotiated the cancellation of a contract.
This wasn't a situation I could have predicted from the beginning. The relationship started fine.
I was delivering real results – genuinely transformational work that became the single greatest retention tool in that organization's business model. I was proud of what I was building. And year after year, I showed up, all in, because that's the only mode I have.
But things shifted.
The collaboration I believed I was in wasn't the collaboration that actually existed.
What I was giving wasn't being recognized the way I understood it to be. And somewhere along the way, I realized: if I kept going, I'd be abandoning myself.
So I stopped.
And then I went to Lisbon and spent three days with a founder who trusts me completely, pays attention to everything, and genuinely values what I bring — and I felt the difference in my entire body.
The contrast was undeniable.
It made me want to give you something practical on this. Because most of you reading this have been — or are right now — faced with a similar question:
“Is this thing that was so promising still serving me? And even if it is, am I sacrificing too much by staying?”
The signals are there, even if you ignore them
Here's what I've learned about what a values misalignment feels like, so you can spot it before it costs you something serious:
The jokes make you uncomfortable. You show up with a good attitude, and laugh along. But afterward, when you’re alone, you feel funky about the interactions, and the forced smile made your heart sad. That's data.
You're performing, not collaborating. You know the difference. One feels like building something together. The other feels like tap dancing. You tell yourself you're being professional, but what you're actually doing is showing up as a version of yourself that you don't fully recognize.
The tipping point comes when satisfaction stops being enough. The fact that you built a thing is no longer enough to outweigh the tradeoffs you have to make to continue with it.
Then comes the hard part… Choosing whether to stay or go.
The Post-It Test
When you’re unsure which of two potential options to take, try this (it takes two minutes and I have never once seen it fail).
Write the two options on two separate post-its. Put them on the floor on opposite sides of the room.
Go stand on one, and fully embody the reality of choosing that path. Picture yourself living that life, right down to the daily schedule, the conversations you’d be having, the kind of work you'd be doing, and the version of yourself you'd be each day.
Really feel it in your body.
Then – and this is the important part – move across the room, stand on the other one, and repeat the visualization.
You will know, almost instantly, which is the right move.
💎 Geography and embodied visualization bypass the noise that your analytical brain creates.
When you're on the edge of a real decision, ask yourself two questions.
1. Would I be proud of this work?
2. Would I feel any shame in doing it?
They may sound like two sides of the same coin, but you need to explore both, because pride can live in your head – and your head is very good at constructing arguments for things your gut already said no to.
But shame lives somewhere different. In your chest. In your stomach. You know it when it's there.
Returning to my client story – I would have still delivered excellent work in that situation. I always do. But I would have felt a small, specific kind of shame. Like I had walked away from myself to get it done.
And I might not have noticed (pride can mute shame for longer than you’d think), if not for the full-body yes I felt in the wake of the trip to Lisbon.
Bottom Line...
Not everyone reading this has the luxury of saying no right now. Sometimes your back is against the wall. Sometimes the economics don't give you options. I know that. I've been there.
But I also know this: if you are always available for everything, the magical things can’t break through the noise to find you.
When I decided on my no, it didn't feel like a risk. It felt like I was honoring something I already knew, even though the up-side wasn’t immediately clear.
And then I flew to Lisbon, and spent three days doing work I am completely proud of, for a founder I deeply respect, with a team that’s so well-aligned they chose to spend their free night together as a group just because they wanted to (those fuckers).
That's what values-aligned work feels like.
So, sweet peanut, where are you right now?
Are you full-body proud of what you're building? And is there any part of you that would feel some shame in delivering it?
Those two questions and the post-it test will tell you everything.
💛 Angela
Coffee + Brunch + Beach Walk (hell ya)
There's no ticket needed.
💛
